


So, Last Night

by JellyBox



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Denial of Feelings, Drunk Sex, Feelings Realization, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Morning After, Multi, One Night Stands, Sharing a Bed, both were drunk, past jigen/lupin and goemon/lupin but it wasn't serious/was platonic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27297124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JellyBox/pseuds/JellyBox
Summary: Zenigata wakes up after a hard night of drinking to find himself naked in bed with the thief he's been trying to catch for years. Both are initially horrified, but true feelings will eventually reveal themselves. Jigen and Goemon are tired.
Relationships: Arsène Lupin III/Zenigata Kouichi, Ishikawa Goemon XIII/Jigen Daisuke
Comments: 22
Kudos: 75





	1. The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fanfic ever, for a fandom im relatively new to! Love the dynamic between these two. Let me know what you think!  
> Please don't post this work anywhere else, but if you want to make other media with it (fanart, podfic, etc) go nuts. I'd love to see it!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zenigata wakes up. Lupin does too. Goemon is meditating.

Light filters through the glass and across Zenigata's sleeping form, barrel chest rising and falling as he dreams. The light does its work, eventually, and Zenigata grunts, almost turning over before he begrudgingly opens his eyes. His head suddenly pangs, and Zenigata groans from the pain. For as much drinking as he does, he still can't seem to escape hangovers. He pinches the bridge of his nose and screws his eyes shut, holding his position for a couple minutes, eventually pulling himself up a bit to study his surroundings. When he slowly opens his eyes, he sees a dingy apartment room that is not his own. It's barren, the only pieces of furniture being an old lamp, the side table it was placed on, and the bed he was currently residing on. The floor is covered in clothes, seeing his own garments haphazardly strewn about the room.

Including his boxers.

  
His eyes widen as he looks down, slightly blushing when he sees that he's nude under the patchy duvet, with a foreign leg splayed across his body. Of course he ended up in bed with someone, this wasn't the first time it happened, and it won't be the last. Drunken one night stands, the only action Inspector Koichi Zenigata seems to get these days (y'know, other than chasing Lupin across the globe all day every day). He sighs, turning his head to see his partner for the night, Lupin, curled up against him, lightly snoring. Huh, figures it would be-

  
Lupin.

  
_LUPIN?!_

  
Zenigata's eyes go wide, his face goes red, and he (quietly, like a church mouse) squeaks in horror as he brings the duvet up to his chest. "Lu- Lu-" he whispers to himself, not believing the sight before him. His longtime nemesis, the person he's been trying to capture and bring to justice for YEARS, is sleeping soundly next to him.

  
In the same bed.

  
Naked.

  
Oh god, Zenigata is FUCKED.

  
Literally. Maybe. He doesn't want to think too deeply about it right now.

  
He jerks as he feels a separate leg lightly kick him, and hears grumbling coming from the lanky man beside him. Oh god. He might wake up soon. Zenigata needs to get out of here, and NOW. As much as he would love to arrest Lupin right now (his cuffs must be in his coat pockets, right?), saying you slept with a wanted criminal (allegedly) to catch him right in front of his bosses at Interpol sounds like a nightmare, a public scandal, and a pink slip wrapped in a bow.

  
Zenigata scanned the room. There's two doors, one he assumes leading to a main room, and the other cracked open slightly, revealing a musty looking bathroom. There's a window to Zenigata's right, letting in a faint amount of sunshine to the dank room. He guesses he could fit through (if a little bit of a tight squeeze), it's perfect Lupin size though- stop thinking about Lupin-, and hopefully won't be too much of a jump (Lupin survived a 3 floor drop once, he should be f- STOP THINKING ABOUT LUPIN). Zenigata's mind, still stinging from hangover, struggles to develop a plan. If he just... gets out of bed quietly, throws his clothes on, and jumps out the window-

  
A loud yawn comes from beside him. _Shit._ Zenigata stills, straightening his spine as a hand begins dragging along his chest, a finger curling through the coarse hair spread across his frame. His eyes move towards the source. The thief's eyes are out of focus but sultry, a smirk across his lips. "Heeeey..." Lupin slurs, drawing a heart on the barrel chest before him. He giggles before he continues, "want a round two, mon cher-" Lupin's eyes focus in as he sees the burly man before him, eyes the size of dinner plates, blushing madly.

Lupin's eyes widen in surprise, a cheeky smile suddenly forming on his face. "Oh, hey Pops!"

  
Lupin's face drops. Their eyes meet.

  
"Oh fuck."

  
Their screams fill the apartment, much to the chagrin of a certain samurai trying to meditate in the other room.


	2. The Hangover but they're emotionally repressed and also gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zenigata and Lupin deduce what the hell happened last night. Zenigata shouldn't carry around markers anymore.

Lupin and Zenigata stare at each other for what feels like hours. A heavy blush may coat Lupin’s face, but Zenigata is completely beet red all over. Lupin is the first to react, jumping out of bed with a screech. “P-Pops! What the HELL are you doing here!” Lupin yells, posture menacing until he notices he’s naked, to which he quickly and modestly blocks the sight of his nether regions with his clammy hands. 

Zenigata pulls the duvet up to his face and quickly looks away, eyes flickering back and forth to nervously look at the agitated thief. “I-I can ask the same of you, Lupin! Why did I wake up naked in a place I don’t know next to YOU!?” Pops screeches back, body shaking with confusion and anger. Suddenly Lupin winces and groans, holding the bridge of his nose.

“Augh… shit… wait. So you don’t know how we ended up here either?” Lupin looks up with eyes wide, a quizzical expression on his face. 

“Of- Of course not! The last thing I remember was going to a bar to get… well… comfortably drunk and-” 

“Wait. the one next to a shitty looking pizzeria?”

“...Yeah, yeah.”

Both stare at each other letting the clocks in their head work.

“So. We met at the same bar.”

“We both got plastered.”

“We ended up in the same bed.”

We had sex. 

The last statement goes unsaid, but it’s thick through the air between them. The two rivals, neck and neck for YEARS, had a passionate night of lovemaking that neither of them remember. But damn, if there isn’t evidence. Zenigata didn’t notice this when he had woken up, but his eyes scan his body to find blotchy hickies on his left shoulder and chest. A LOT of them on his chest. Lupin does like boobs, Zenigata just never expected them to also be of the male variety (though it sort of makes sense, now that he thinks about it). Lupin’s body is even worse for wear, and Zenigata groans into his hands. A very noticeable bite mark is on the flesh between Lupin’s neck and right shoulder, hickies scattering his upper half. 

“Pops, what the hell are you lookin’ at- oh. Oh. Oh shit.” Lupin looks around his body and feels the bite mark on his shoulder, which still stings. Lupin, forgoing modesty, moves to sit on the edge on the bed, as far away from the inspector as possible. “Jeez Pops, you sure left a lot of marks…” Lupin regards quietly, looking across his body. Zenigata groans and raises his head to make an earnest apology, but then claps his hands on his mouth to prevent an embarrassing sound from escaping.

Written (in what looks like one of Zenigata’s markers, usually reserved for Lupin’s face) across the arched back of Lupin is the short but sweet, all capitals, statement of the year: PROPERTY OF ZENIGATA, complete with little shittily drawn hearts dancing around the words. 

Yeah, Zenigata was fucked. Completely and thoroughly fucked. 

Lupin, in an attempt to break the weird silence between them, turns to Zenigata to say something, anything, but is cut off as Zenigata rushes to the dingy bathroom across the room, slamming the door behind him. Lupin sighs, nerve wracked but understanding. The guy had just (telling from the pain in his lower back and the half empty bottle of lube fallen on the floor, no matter how drunk Lupin ALWAYS had it on him) drunkenly had sex with the man he’s been trying to capture for years, and not in the “capture his heart” way, but in the “capture an international thief and put him behind bars for life” way. He hears the shower begin to run, and Lupin defeatedly lays back on the bed. Why the hell did drunk Lupin decide to have sex with drunk Zenigata? Sure, he’s made plenty of bad choices drunk, but not THIS bad. Actually, compared to the time he was set on fire in Zurich it could be worse. But this was still bad. At least, he should think it was bad. Pops may be a looker, brawny, barrel chested, strong chinned, big handed, big di- nevermind, but to actually act on that feeling? No way! No way. Only a… severely inebriated Lupin would do that. 

He moaned pathetically, wanting to sink forever into the shitty mattress he laid upon. Lupin was in a place he hated most: a prison… of his own feelings. Lupin sat up on the edge of the bed, processing what would most likely follow. 

He and Zenigata would get dressed, and Lupin would jump out the window (should be a two or three floor drop, he’s done it before and he’ll do it again), leaving Zenigata to exit through the door. Zenigata will eventually find Lupin waltzing around town and set chase, returning them both to their endless cat and mouse game, the passionate night quickly forgotten. That’s what they both wanted, right?

Right. 

But why was he so bitter about it? 

A quick rap at the door had Lupin jerk out of his depressed stupor. Oh hell, Pops can’t leave through the door, this was the gang’s current safehouse! Fujiko may be out in Paris, but Jigen and Goemon are still using the apartment!

And with that thought, he hears a muffled “I’m opening the door” followed by the creaking of wood. Jigen pokes his head through the opening, his usual hard-to-tell expression hidden under his wide brimmed hat. 

“Uh, Lupin, we’ve talked about this. You’ve gotta be more quiet in the morning, Goemon’s trying to watch his programs, you know how he gets when he misses the Golden Girls- oh hell, man.” Jigen originally spoke in a semi-hushed tone, but then upon seeing Lupin’s naked- and very marked- form returns to original volume, a smirk on his face. Jigen opens the door further, nursing a half empty glass of whiskey in his left hand. “Pretty rough night, huh? Who the hell did you find that kinky?” Jigen snickered, bringing the whiskey to his lips. 

Lupin gave him an out-of-character angered stare, before looking away to blush. “It’s none of your business.” Shit. That's not what Lupin would say. Jigen widened his eyes a little, immediately noticing how Lupin seemed off.

“Uh, aren’t you usually shouting at me about how good a lay they were? Did something bad happen?”

Lupin snapped out of his angry stare, worriedly trying to shake off Jigen’s caring remark. “N-No! I just. Y’know. Privacy? They wanted privacy.” 

“Oh. Huh. I get that. Not everyone’s as open as you, Lupin.”

The thief’s shoulders relax as he smiles at Jigen’s remark, relieved the gunman dropped the subject. Looking up, Lupin quirks an eyebrow at the glass in the gunman’s hand. “Really? Whiskey in the morning? What time is it anyways?” 

“It’s around 9:30 AM. Yeah yeah, I don’t do it often but I was feeling it. Anyways, you want breakfast, I’m cooking-” Jigen stopped as the bathroom door slowly creaked open, steam escaping from the tight space. Out steps Inspector Koichi Zenigata, hair still damp from the shower and a towel poorly tied around his hips, just barely hiding his- notably hung- dick. 

“Uh… Lupin… I’m done with the bathroom if-” Zenigata moves his eyes from Lupin to the man at the door, immediately freezing up. The three of them stare at each other, all in guffaw. If Jigen’s eyes were wide earlier, it was nothing in comparison to the quadrupled size they were now. 

“Oh.”

“N-now, Jigen-”, Lupin stutters.

“Oh my god.” 

“Jigen-”

The gunman smirks wildly, the start of laughter leaking out of his lips. Before Lupin can get a word in, Jigen is howling, nearly dropping his whiskey in the process. “GOEMON! YOU GOTTA COME SEE THIS!” He yells out to the hallway, and before Zenigata can hide in shame the samurai quickly appears before them.

Goemon, with a clearly annoyed expression on his face, looks to Jigen, before turning to observe the scene before him. “Jigen, my programs are on- oh. Oh my.” Jigen continues roaring as Goemon begins to snicker, holding a hand over his mouth. Zenigata, beet red once again, quickly shuts and locks the door to hide from the embarrassment of the situation. 

“Pops- it’s okay, Pops!” Lupin rushes to the door and tries to open it, unaware of the writing on his back now being shown to the two humored men. Goemon wheezes loudly upon reading the inscription on the thief’s back, and begins holding onto Jigen for support as he screams laughing. Jigen follows, both tumbling to the ground in a fit as their naked partner in crime tries to console the large man behind the door, who at the moment is cowering inside a bathtub. 

What a way to start the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in like 2 hours idk where this writing energy is coming from but I LOVE it
> 
> Goemon having a soft spot for american sitcoms is a personal headcanon of mine and also I thought it would be funny
> 
> The writing on Lupin's back idea came from a McHanzo fanart comic I saw once but sadly cannot find the source for, if you know what i'm talking about PLEASE let me know im dying scoob
> 
> A special thank you to my friend Aliriali for editing!! They helped with the first chapter too I just didn't know their Ao3 account yet asdfghjkl. Make sure to check out their work if you like Persona!


	3. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang has breakfast. Zenigata gets the talk. Lupin takes a shower.

Water dripped from the bathtub’s tap as Zenigata was curled into a ball, slowly rocking himself back and forth. This was the most embarrassing day of his life. He's naked, sitting in an empty bathtub, trying to calm himself down to a point where he could think. There had been constant knocking and yelling (and from what he could faintly hear, laughing) coming from outside the door, making the inspector shake with fear and embarrassment. A horrific thought crossed his mind that the door may just break, having the Lupin gang (well, most of them, he thinks) barge in on Pops in his most vulnerable state. However, the knocking on the door suddenly ceased and became quiet, and after a few minutes of no interaction, allowed Zenigata to breathe for just a moment. 

But being allowed to think just made Zenigata even more stressed. As much as cold porcelain was very comfy, he couldn’t hide in the bathroom forever. He’d eventually have to leave, and there were a plethora of terrible situations that could happen. He could open the door, finding all three men waiting for him, immediately cackling and jeering as the inspector rushed to dress himself.

Or what if they're not laughing, and they decided it's due time to just kill the man? Zenigata’s been on their tail for years, they must be getting tired of him, right? But Zenigata knows in his heart that Lupin wouldn't allow that. If they  _ were _ like that, Zenigata would have been long in the grave by now. He shouldn't think that lowly of them. You know, aside from them being wanted criminals. 

The last option Zenigata thinks of has him curl up into a ball even more, knuckles white. Instead of being greeted by anyone, what if the trio just… disappears, leaving Zenigata by himself in the mysterious apartment. Shouldn’t Zenigata be more concerned about the other two options? Why is he upset with the chance that they leave him with privacy, without comment-

Without a chance to talk to Lupin? 

The cramped room feels as if it's closing in around the inspector. Tears prick at his eyes, the dams threatening to burst from the way the inspector’s heart drops and he feels so, so helpless. 

There’s a light knock from the other side of the bathroom door. Zenigata perks up, lightly as to not make a sound, quietly wiping his tears away. A calm voice filters through the crack of the locked door. “Inspector Zenigata. This is Goemon.” Ah, the samurai, who had been chuckling at his expense just minutes earlier. The inspector unfurls himself, sitting up in the bathtub and listens, waiting for the man to continue. 

“I am sorry for what had happened earlier. It was just… a surprise, is all. Are you alright?” 

Zenigata, baffled at the samurai’s kind words, replies curtly. “M’fine. What do you want?”, he says with a loud sniff, hoping the samurai doesn't think he's crying. 

“I brought you a change of clothes. The shirt may be a little tight, but it should fit. Would you like to come out for breakfast?” 

“I- what? Why?” Zenigata is genuinely confused. Why is a wanted international criminal offering him breakfast? 

“It’s the least we can do for you. It may help with… the hangover.” 

Zenigata huffs. Lupin must have told them what had happened the night before. Just as he's about to decline the offer a strong pang goes through his head. 

“...Do you have coffee?”

“Tea may be better for your situation, inspector-”

“Coffee. Please.” 

“...Cream and sugar?”

“...Just black, thanks.” 

The room is silent once again as he hears the samurai get up, the taps of his footsteps becoming faint as he walks away. Waiting until he hears the far door click (and even a moment after that, just in case), the inspector nervously climbs out of the bathtub, nearly tripping in the process. Zenigata nervously creaks the door open, and is greeted with a surprising semi-clean room. Zenigata sees that his garments are no longer on the floor, but instead are properly folded and stacked into a pile on the nightstand. Hopefully they haven't wrinkled too much, Zenigata mulls, noting the absence of his trademark hat and trenchcoat. Lupin’s clothes are still in a pile on the floor, albeit the pile being slightly neater than before, and the rather sticky looking bottle of lube he had seen before is nowhere to be found. The bed is now made, and on it lies a black v-neck tee, a pair of heather gray sweatpants, and his previously discarded boxers, all neat and folded sitting next to each other on the edge of the bed. He’ll have to apologize to Goemon for making the poor man touch his underwear, but he appreciates the gesture nonetheless. He pulls on the boxers and sweatpants with ease, noting how soft and comfortable the latter were, and then squeezed into the black v-neck. The material may have been stretchy, but it was still snug and partially revealed his midriff. It’ll have to do. 

Zenigata opens the door with a click, not knowing what next to expect. Poking his head out into the hallway, he analyzes the area around him. The hallway is covered in a, relatively tacky, faded green wallpaper, with worn moulding encasing the walls. To his right, there's another door, ajar but not enough to be able to identify what type of room it is. 

Zenigata sniffs, and smells not mustiness, but something… cooking. Sausages, maybe? His head turns to the source of the smell and his stomach grumbles, his body already making the decision to head left. As he slowly slips into the hallway, the smell is more potent, almost making his mouth water. When was the last time he had a proper meal, not just booze or instant ramen? He reaches the end of the hallway, pressing against the corner of the wall, leering out his head to observe the scene.

A small fixture on the ceiling floods the room with a faintly yellow light, as the windows have their curtains drawn tightly together. There is a small kitchen, older looking but functional, with floor tiles a faded white. Jigen, sans his usual hat, is humming to himself as he sautés the mystery food over the stove, occasionally stopping to add what appears to be some sort of seasoning. Across the room is an empty, cheap looking couch, covered in garish decorative pillows. In front of it lies a low coffee table, and from what Pops can see has newspapers and opened boxes of bullets scattered across it, the corresponding weapon nowhere to be found. An old CRT television quietly plays what looks to be a weather report in the corner, flickering occasionally. There’s a door nearby (he assumes to the outside of the apartment), and next to it a tall coat rack, where he finds his hat and trench coat hanging. Lastly, adjacent to the kitchen, is a basic wooden dining room table (complete with four chairs, one being strikingly fancier than the others), housing Goemon and… Lupin. Goemon quietly sips tea from a small, white mug, with the phrase “I WON BIG IN VEGAS!” garishly slapped across the cup. Not what Zenigata expected the samurai to be drinking from, but you can't get traditional Japanese teaware easily in this area of the world, he supposes. Across from him sits Lupin, head lying on the table, next to a half full, still steaming mug of coffee, which looks to be loaded with cream and sugar. Wearing only his boxers (and still sporting Zenigata’s masterpiece on his back, much to the inspector’s dismay), the thief groans and adjusts himself on the pillow he’s sitting on, arms dropped at his sides.

Zenigata is confused initially by Lupin sitting on a pillow, then blushes fiercely when he realizes why. He recomposes himself, and steps out to the room before him. He awkwardly coughs, and Jigen is the first to turn and smile at him. 

“Ah, Pops! Breakfast is almost done. Take a seat.” Zenigata nods uncomfortably and sits in the nearest chair, which also happens to be the odd one out. It's strangely… comforting, the wood a rich deep mahogany, with plush red padding. He sinks into it a little, savoring the feeling. As soon as he settles in, a dark blue mug is set before him, the smell of rich coffee filling his nostrils. He gently holds the mug in his large hands, bringing the cup to his lips to take a small sip of what he expected to be sub-average brown water. To his surprise, the concoction was rich and flavorful, a bit bitter, well bodied, and slightly nutty. This was much better than the instant packs Zenigata begrudgingly uses or even the quick service cup he occasionally gets. Of all the things he expected from the Lupin gang, it was not that one of them was an obvious coffee aficionado. He gently smiled, appreciating the welcome drink.

The moment is interrupted when he hears groans from right next to him, the source being a very hungover Lupin. 

“Auuugh… Jigen… when’s it gonna be ready… I'm starving…” he whines, pressing his head further into the table.

“Soon, idiot. Pops is out of the shower, and you stink. I'll have it ready for you when you get out.” Jigen huffs, pointing a spatula at the thief. Lupin, apparently unaware of the man sitting next to him, lays his head on his side to see Zenigata (In Fujicake’s special chair, of all places!) wearing a tight, revealing v-neck, showing off his chest and barely hiding his midriff (not enough for most people to notice, but plenty for Lupin).

The thief quickly jerks up and turns his head away from the inspector, attempting to hide a giant blush spreading across his face. He immediately regrets it, groaning from the resulting flash of headache. The thief slowly rises from his chair, holding his head. “Alright, god… make sure my toast is lightly toasted. And save a sausage for me!” He turns and shimmies down the hallway, loudly slamming the bedroom door behind him. Always one to make a show, even in a state as bad as this. Jigen just grunts in response, then calls for Lupin again. 

“LUPIN!”

A muffled Lupin can be heard screaming from the room. “WHAT!” 

“REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR BACK!”

A moment of pause. “OH, FUCK OFF!” 

Jigen laughs hoarsely as Goemon smiles into his tea, glancing at the inspector to gauge his reaction. If the inspector was embarrassed before, he was doubly so now, holding his head in his hands in shame. 

The toaster makes an audible  _ pop! _ and that cues Jigen to finish plating their meal. “Alright, breakfast is ready. Do you want jam with your toast, Pops?” the gunman questions, apparently unaware or uncaring of Zenigata's desire to be hidden. Zenigata raises his head slightly, looking up at the two men before him. He was expecting knowing smirks, but was only greeted with uncharacteristic, almost gentle, smiles. 

“...is there any strawberry?”

“Yup, one second.” The gunman puts three plates on the table, the first in front of Zenigata. He was met with the sight of beautifully cooked sausages next to two perfectly done pieces of toast, simple yet hearty, perfect for his hangover, at least he thinks. “Sorry, would’ve made eggs, but we ran out yesterday”, the gunman sheepishly says. 

“N-no! This is perfect, actually! Thank you,” Zenigata looks down at his plate and smiles, and the gunman gives a light smirk back.

Jigen then continues with the rest of the plates, placing one (appearing to be the same meal as Zenigata’s) in front of the chair next to Goemon, and then a simple plate of toast in front of Goemon. Goemon lowers his tea and smiles, thanking the gunman with a quick peck on the cheek. Jigen smiles widely, turning to rummage through the old cupboard above the stove. 

Wait. 

Did Goemon just-?

Pops must be bad at hiding his emotions, because Goemon gives him a threatening glare. Pops hasn't always been the best at reading people’s emotions, but anyone could tell this could go sour quickly if he didn't respond correctly- at least, to Goemon’s standards. 

“You- You’re a- thing?” Pops stammers, looking straight at Goemon as he pointed at his (assumed) lover, who was still looking for the strawberry preserves. 

“Yes. Is that a problem?” Goemon’s eyes are like daggers, and Zenigata can see his hand resting on Zantetsuken. Oh no-

“N- No! No! Of course not. It's just… a surprise, is all.” Zenigata would never judge someone for their sexuality, it goes against every bone in his body- but he just never expected the two men to be together. Sure, they were visibly close, always together on heists, but he never expected them to be… that close. Is that bad of him to think? Maybe it was. Shit. 

Goemon only hums in response, as Jigen lets out a quiet “A-ha!” The gunman drags out a small, half filled jar of preserves, setting it on the table as he leans into the chair next to the now less-irked samurai. 

“Yeah, we’re a thing. It's been a while, too, thought you would catch on by now.” Jigen casually begins digging into the meal before him, apparently unbothered by the inspector’s risky question. Goemon gestures Zenigata to take the jam first, and the inspector quickly obliges. He spreads the jam thick across the toast, handing the small jar to Goemon as soon as he is done.

Seeing both already begin to eat, Zenigata hesitantly brings up a piece of sausage to his mouth, again not sure of what to expect. The first bite has flavor dancing across Zenigata’s tongue, savory, well seasoned, and smoky, almost a hickory flavor. He hums in delight, and Jigen grins. 

“Good, huh? Try the jam next, it's Goemon's favorite.” Goemon simply nods as he takes another bite of his toast, visibly pleased with the taste. 

Zenigata picks up the smothered piece of bread and bites into it, immediately agreeing with the couple. It was lightly sweet, not too strong, almost akin to the strawberries he would have as a small child, picked fresh from the small farm in his childhood town. 

All of them eat quietly but in comfort, with Jigen being the last to finish, letting out a huff of air. Zenigata just smiles before taking another sip from his mug, the night before almost completely off his mind.

“So. You fucked Lupin.”

Zenigata spits out his coffee in shock, completely taken aback by the gunman’s blunt statement. 

“Jigen.” Goemon glares at the gunman, but has an almost expectant look on his face. Jigen just grins and leans back into his chair even further. 

“B- Uh- I- Ah-” Zenigata tries to form words but just sputters out syllables, looking exasperatedly at the two. 

“Lupin told us what went down. And, well, we could kind of tell from the extremely loud thumping against the wall we heard last night. You were really that blackout drunk that you didn't remember a single thing that happened?” Jigen questioned, not particularly caring about how embarrassed Zenigata was (at least, from what Zenigata could deduce). 

The same vibrant blush crawled up Zenigata’s neck and face as he attempted to respond. “I- well. Yes. Um.” Zenigata avoided eye contact with the two, wanting to be free of this confrontation. 

“Well, we always expected this to happen. But not like… this. Y'know?” Jigen gestures to Zenigata, with Goemon nodding in agreement. 

Zenigata’s face turns from embarrassment to genuine confusion. “You. Expected this to happen? What do you mean?” Zenigata questioned, a quiver of uncertainty in his voice. The gunman and samurai only look at eachother, eyes wide in surprise. 

“He really doesn't know?” Goemon whispered, Jigen shrugging in response. 

Zenigata wasn't filled in, and he grew irritated. “What do I not know? What the hell’s going on here? Is this some sort of conspiracy?!” Before he could continue yelling both men shushed the inspector. 

“Calm down! It's not a conspiracy. Just. We’ll tell you.” Jigen sighed, feeling around for a pack of cigarettes and frowning when he remembers he left them in his jacket pocket. “Uhh… ah, fuck, Goemon, help me here.” Jigen pleads, looking at the samurai, who’s just as uncomfortable- and unprepared- as him. 

“Inspector…” he starts, looking awkwardly away from the agitated man, “have you ever noticed that you and Lupin have… a certain… dynamic going on?”

The inspector looks guffawed at the statement. “Of course we have a “dynamic”! He's a thief and I'm the man tasked to take him down! He's the only thing I ever think about!” 

“Right, right… and you chase him down as much as you possibly can?”

“Of course! I'd chase him to the ends of the Earth, across the damn galaxy if I had to! He's mine to take! I gave up my personal life, my marriage, my damn sanity for him! And I'll gladly do it again to put him behind bars!” 

“And your passions?” 

“Chasing Lupin is my only passion! Now tell me, what is going on?” Zenigata is exasperated, brain wracked. What the hell was going unsaid? 

“Inspector… have you noticed your words sound very much like a confession?” 

“A confession? What the hell am I confessing? That I'm obsessed with Lupin?” He slams his fists on the table, causing the plates to jump, and the blue mug to teeter dangerously close to the edge. Jigen and Goemon are silent, almost… frowning at the confused man before them. Why are they like that? What the hell do they know that he doesn't? Why do they keep talking about the relationship between him and-

Zenigata’s eyes go out of focus. The cogs in his head begin to slowly turn. 

He’s the only man I ever think about. 

I'd chase him to the ends of the Earth. 

I gave up my life for him, and would gladly do it again. 

I'm obsessed with Lupin. 

_ I'm in love with Lupin.  _

Realization spreads across his face, and both men can tell. He begins trembling, gripping onto the table for support. 

“Pops-” Jigen is about to reach a hand out when Zenigata shoots up out of his seat, knocking the table, causing the emptied blue mug of coffee to drop and shatter across the floor. 

The gunman and samurai quickly leave their seats, attempting to calm the man down, words of consoling unfortunately only deaf to the inspector’s ears. 

_ I'm in love with a wanted criminal.  _

He turns to the hallway, and slowly walks to the bedroom’s door, ringing buzzing in his ears. 

_ I'm in love with my worst enemy.  _

He can get dressed and leave. He can pretend this never happened. He can quit his job at Interpol. He can just never see him again-

Just as he is about to open the door, it opens for him. Behind the door is-

_ Lupin.  _

_ I'm in love with Lupin. I'm in love with Lupin. _

_ iminlovewithlupiniminlovewithlupiniminlovewithlupin- _

“Aha- Pops! Uh… everything okay?” The thief sheepishly grins, nervously holding the back of his neck, a brush of pink dusting his cheeks. 

Zenigata just stares down at the man before him. 

His fugitive. 

His nightmare.

The love of his life. 

“I'm in love with Lupin," the inspector whispers.

Lupin’s face drops, apparently not processing what the Inspector had just confessed. “What?” 

No more is said as Zenigata’s eyes flutter and he faints, falling onto Lupin, nearly crushing the smaller man as they slam against the floor. 

“ACK- P-Pops! Are you- JIGEN! GOEMON!” Lupin struggles to push the burly man off of him, then attempts to shake the unconscious inspector awake. The gunman and samurai soon rush to the thief’s side, all of them yelling, trying to figure out what to do. 

Zenigata is in love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fixed a few minor errors I noticed, next chapter should be out in a couple days! Sadly I have homework for school to be done first blehhh 
> 
> Also THANK YOU for all the kind words y'all have said asdfghjkl it makes me so happy to read them!!! I'm glad my work can make people happy :D


	4. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lupin is in denial. Jigen needs a smoke. Goemon learns the #1 rule of being gay. Pops takes a well needed nap.
> 
> cw: major internalized homophobia in this chapter

Sun glistens through the dank room as the three men heave the conked out inspector onto the bed. Catching his breath, Lupin sits on the edge of the mattress, causing it to dip slightly but not enough to disturb the comatose man beside him. 

“What… the fuck… happened?” He manages to huff out between breaths. Both the gunman and samurai decline to respond as the former kneels at the bedside to check the inspector’s pulse. “He's fine, he just needs to rest.” Goemon nods in response, arms crossed. 

Lupin doesn't particularly like being ignored, and he knits his brows in frustration. “Um, hello? Are you listening? Why the hell did Pops faint?”

“He was in shock. That's the only theory that makes sense.” Goemon finally cuts in, averting his eyes from the thief. Jigen hums in agreement, getting up to stand over the now at peace man on the bed. 

Lupin isn't satisfied with the answer. “In shock? How could it be shock? He was already in shock this morning, and he didn't fall over then! Did you put something in his coffee, Jigen?!” 

Jigen glares daggers at the thief, insulted he would assume such a thing. “Jesus, Lupin, I'm not that fuckin’ cruel! What point would I have in drugging the damn guy! You-” before Jigen can get another word in, Goemon puts a hand on his shoulder, and the samurai directs his attention to the half naked thief before them. “Did the inspector say anything to you before he passed out?”

“Yeah, it didn't make any sense. He just said something akin to 'I love Lupin’ and was out like a light. Wait.” Lupin finally began to process the statement. “Why the hell’d he say that?” 

“Because it's true you fucking moron.” Jigen really wishes he had a smoke now, dealing with two men in denial in one day really puts the stress on. 

“What? Since when? You mean-” Lupin has a look of utter confusion on his face. Pops hated his guts, right? The guy wanted him behind bars, it didn't make sense that he would just go out and say that! And since when has Pops been into guys?

“Pops is into guys?” is the only thing that comes out of Lupin’s mouth, causing Jigen to loudly groan and Goemon to slap a hand over his face in frustration. 

“That's not the point. You're ignoring the point. Zenigata is into you.” Jigen says frustratedly, emphasizing the last two words. “Honestly, we would have thought you would catch on by now.” 

“B-But- Why? He hates me!”

“The guy doesn't hate you. If he hated you you'd be dead. Do you not remember the time he almost took a gunshot for you? People who hate you don't do that. Well, typically but- ah, you know what I mean!” Jigen frustratedly adds.

Lupin subconsciously agrees… he would consider Pops a friendly guy… in a strange way, at that. But-

“He's not into guys! The guy was married! To a woman! He’s attracted to Fujiko! I mean anyone in their right mind is…” 

“The guy’s divorced. Just because you get married to a woman and are attracted to girls doesn't mean you're straight. You DO remember Fujiko and Goemon are bisexual, right?” Goemon nods at Jigen’s comment, usually Goemon was private about his preferences but this was a special case. 

Okay, so Jigen did make a fair point. Pops could be attracted to more than just girls. Unexpected, but he could.

“But why me? I'm not gay!” 

Jigen and Goemon just stare at each other. 

Lupin is nervous. They should be confirming that. 

“I'm not!” 

There's a thick silence between them.

“Lupin…” Goemon gently cuts the silence, “...you do remember you have slept with multiple men, right?”

“Including us,” Jigen grunts. 

“Well, yeah, but it doesn't mean I'm gay.”

“Lupin, I literally had my dick in your ass.”

“That's not gay!” Lupin scoffs, “It's not like a guy fucking a guy is gay!”

“Then what is “gay”, Lupin?” The samurai quirks an eyebrow.

“You don't know? It's like, the number one gay rule! It's only gay if the dicks touch!” 

If Jigen and Goemon were expecting a response to “what is gay”, it was not that. Goemon wheezes for the second time that day, and Jigen follows suit, sputtering laughing at the ridiculous statement. 

“Why are you laughing, it's true!” Lupin shouts at the two men before him, still chuckling. A blush spreads over the thief’s face, the embarrassment of the situation getting to him. Lupin may be the butt of some jokes, but he’s never felt as belittled before, by his friends of all people. 

“Plus, like… if you're gay you have to be like… all mushy and stuff with each other! I've never kissed a man- well, not on the lips, and I never will!” Lupin states confidently. 

The laughter stops, and Goemon wipes a tear from his eye. “You really believe this? Who told you this?”

“Well, my dear Fujicakes, of course!”

“Jesus, it's like every time she talks to you she's lying to you. Did she say “a hole’s a hole” too?” Jigen shakes his head, not believing the stupidity of his partner in crime.

“Yeah, why?”

Jigen stills, not expecting the thief to actually confirm that. He needs to have a talk with Fujiko the next time he sees her, this is much even for her standards. 

“Look, ah…” Jigen scratches the back of his head nervously, “you do know Fujiko lies to you a lot, right?”

“All the time! It makes her all the more attractive,” Lupin replies, a perverted grin creeping up on his face. 

Jigen chooses not to acknowledge that. “Yeah, well, she lied to you about the whole gay rule thing. There is no gay rulebook. I would know.” Jigen simply gestures to his (very gay) self. 

“You seem to be in denial about your true feelings towards men, Arsène,” Goemon notes, a serious tone in his voice. 

The grin on Lupin’s face drops. _Shit, this is serious. Goemon’s using his first name._

“I- but I can't be! I like girls! I love Fujiko! I love tits!” Lupin pleads, “I’m a natural womanizer! I can’t be gay!”

“Why not?” Goemon frowns, his tone a bit lighter.

“I mean it’s- Um- It’s just-” Lupin stutters, trying to put his thoughts into words that make sense.

“Unacceptable?” Jigen cuts him off, a glare in his eyes. 

“No!” Lupin snaps, “It’s just- I can't be! You can, anyone else can, but I can’t.”

“Why?” Goemon presses on. 

“Because-” 

_My grandfather would be disappointed in me._

_My father would be disappointed in me._

_I’m the only one left in the Lupin lineage._

_I have to continue my family legacy._

“- I just can't. I can't like guys. Not like that. I just… can't.” Lupin looks defeated, a desperate pleading look in his eyes. They're his partners in crime, his best friends, shouldn’t they know him through and through by now? Why can't they accept this? Why are they so stubborn? 

Why do they look so disappointed? 

Jigen just sighs, walking towards Lupin, then kneels and puts a hand on his shoulder. 

“If we can't help you, you have to help yourself. Just… think on it. We’ll be here for you.” Jigen pats his shoulder, then rises, following Goemon out the door, then closes it with a quiet click. 

Lupin stands up from the bed, looking at the now shut door. He raises a hand, about to say something, but nothing comes out. 

He looks at the sleeping body on the bed, the rise and fall of the man’s chest, the hint of breath passing through his chapped lips. 

Lupin’s hand drops to his side, and he looks down towards his toes. 

He's not gay. 

He can’t be.

It just isn’t right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This went from ridiculous to depressing in a hot second 
> 
> the "it's not gay unless the dicks touch" comes from this McHanzo fanfic (explicit, highly nsfw be warned!!!) and i think about the phrase every day: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8576962
> 
> ANYWAYS personal feelings went into this chapter as I had some trouble coming to terms with my sexuality too (not exactly like Lupin, but yknow), for some reason I used to worry about my family name dying out or not having someone to survive me (now i dont give a shit lol) but I feel this would be MUCH heavier of a burden on Lupin because his legacy is so important to him (he constantly talks about his grandpa in the First so it makes sense). Also in this universe lupin actually looked up to his deadbeat dad for some reason and it really affected his self esteem. i love headcanons babey! 
> 
> Anyways as usual thank you for reading and I'd love to hear what you think!


End file.
